Schallendes Lachen

Paraprosdokians…

Posted on: Oktober 17, 2014

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.
Here are some examples:
  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
  3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear  
      them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  5. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
  6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  7. They begin the evening news with ‚Good Evening,‘ then proceed to tell you why it
      isn’t.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‚In case of emergency, notify:‘ I put
      „DOCTOR.“
11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street…with a bald
     head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
13. Behind every successful man is his woman. And behind the fall of a successful man
     is usually another woman.
14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive
      twice.
16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17. There’s a fine line between cuddling and… holding someone down so they can’t get
      away.
18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
19. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
21. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage
      makes you a mechanic. (AMEN)
24. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now its getting harder and harder for me to
      find one.
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