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Posts Tagged ‘Englisch

In honor of today’s French election.
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, ‚Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.‘
‚I had no Monet …
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh.‘
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I posted it here because I figured I had nothing Toulouse

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Subject: Travel Plans

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport. You have to be driven there. I have made several trips there thanks to my
Children, friends, family and work

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable. I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember what country I was in. It’s an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

You can do your bit by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done!

Life is too short for negative drama and petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

From one unstable person to another, I hope everyone is happy in your head – we’re all doing pretty well in mine!

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Absolutely Hilarious!

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church workers with
typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in
church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The sermon this morning: ‚Jesus Walks on the Water.‘ The sermon tonight:
‚Searching for Jesus.‘


Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.


Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say ‚Hell‘ to someone who doesn’t care much about


Don’t let worry kill you off –  let the Church help.


Miss Charlene Mason sang ‚I will not pass this way again,‘ giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.


For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery


Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow..


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‚What Is Hell?‘
Come early and listen to our choir practice.


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered..


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.


Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.


This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.


Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.


The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance..


The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last
Sunday: ‚I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

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