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Posts Tagged ‘Sprachspiele

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In honor of today’s French election.
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, ‚Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.‘
‚I had no Monet …
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh.‘
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I posted it here because I figured I had nothing Toulouse

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Subject: Travel Plans

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport. You have to be driven there. I have made several trips there thanks to my
Children, friends, family and work

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable. I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember what country I was in. It’s an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART!

You can do your bit by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done!

Life is too short for negative drama and petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

From one unstable person to another, I hope everyone is happy in your head – we’re all doing pretty well in mine!

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Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.
Here are some examples:
  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
  3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear  
      them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  5. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
  6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  7. They begin the evening news with ‚Good Evening,‘ then proceed to tell you why it
      isn’t.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‚In case of emergency, notify:‘ I put
      „DOCTOR.“
11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street…with a bald
     head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
13. Behind every successful man is his woman. And behind the fall of a successful man
     is usually another woman.
14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive
      twice.
16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17. There’s a fine line between cuddling and… holding someone down so they can’t get
      away.
18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
19. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
21. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage
      makes you a mechanic. (AMEN)
24. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now its getting harder and harder for me to
      find one.
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